Dream of Waking Ne Cede Malis

Off to an amazing start

I am having the world's most embarrassing day and it is not even noon yet.

Last night I simply could not sleep. I tossed and turned for what must have been at least an hour. I'm woken up this morning by a phone call. I knew that the weather today would be shitty so I was expecting this to be my instructor telling me that she's canceling this morning's flight. It was my instructor, but she was asking whether or not I planned on coming in this morning. I had overslept. So we plan on me coming in at 9:30 and I apologize for oversleeping, and then I'm getting ready. I had apparently not re-set my alarm for this morning and it was still set for 10AM, which is when I woke up yesterday.

I get to the airport and my instructor had left me a practice exam to do while she was in a meeting. This practice exam is in preparation for a test that I have to take before I'm allowed to fly solo, and it's kind of a big deal. There's a certain number of failures, which implies that the test is somewhat difficult, and if you bomb out you're done in the flight program. The practice test is short answer, which is the bane of my existence. I can take multiple choice tests all day but short answer is the worst because then I actually have to recall the things I've learned.

The practice test went well though, and I did pretty well on it. My confidence was building and my instructor and I went over the questions I missed and a couple of things that weren't on the practice test. She asks me if I wanted to take the pre-solo written now. I was feeling pretty good about it and I know it's a multiple choice test and by now I just want to get it done with so I agreed. She did some admin stuff, and made a phone call, and then she asked me if I had an E6B with me. The E6B is a little metal plate with some slides and charts for computing numbers quickly. I don't entirely know what it's used for. I told her my E6B is at my apartment because we haven't really used it yet. She told me it wasn't a big deal, if there were any questions involving the E6B it'd only be one or two, and I'd probably be OK guessing them. Another instructor pipes up to say that his student (a friend of mine) just took the test and didn't even need the E6B. With that she sent me up to the terminal to take the test.

I got up there and talked to the lady to administers the test. She asked me if I needed a pencil or any materials. I couldn't fathom what materials I would need beyond the E6B which I am now not concerned with, so I went into the testing room which what I have; a pen and my coat. She handed me a blue binder and piece of scrap paper. The test is computerized through Blackboard so I logged in, and started it. The questions were worded a little different from the practice exam and some of them covered topics not even hinted at in the practice exam, but it was a multiple choice test and I considered myself pretty knowledgeable as far as I'd been in the course. Then I got to a question that referred to figures and diagrams. This is a computerized test and there were no figures or diagrams on the screen so I assumed this was one of those E6B questions that I can disregard. I made an educated guess and moved on. I got to another question that referred to figures. Okay, two questions out of 36 isn't that bad. All told there were about 5 questions involving figures. By the end of the test, I was slightly concerned. I submitted my answers and logged out.

Then I noticed that blue binder the lady gave me. I opened it up, and lo and behold, diagrams and figures. It was a little late now, though, because I had already submitted my answers and logged out. Oh well. At least I get multiple tries at this exam, right? I returned the binder and my scrap paper and the lady kind of looked at me like I was done, even though Blackboard didn't immediately give me my score, and she clearly wasn't going to tell me. Okay, I guess that means my instructor will let me know how I did.

Back in my instructor's cubicle, another of her students is already there. She was astonished at how fast I had finished the test and asked me how I did. I made a face and told her about the blue binder. She assumed that I had failed and asked me if I wanted to try to get a retry now based on the fact that I'd missed out of the blue binder, or if I wanted another day to study and I could give it another go tomorrow. I knew that the difference in taking it with the binder would have saved my score so I told her I wanted to try to re-take it now.

She called the lady to administered the test and told her I didn't know about the blue binder and that I failed. As soon as the words "failed" exited her mouth, I had to interject that I didn't actually know my score and that I may not have failed. I was not looking forward to re-taking that test and if I passed, then the blue binder is moot. My instructor hung up with the lady, so she could try to check my score. Her account wouldn't show her my score, so she asked me to log in to see if it'd tell me. Sure enough, I got 26 out of 36. Quick math revealed that I got a 72%. My instructor called up the lady to ask what was needed to pass and she's told a 70%. Even without the blue binder and the diagrams, I passed.

That shit is embarrassing. I am so totally okay with bombing out on a test. I'm okay with bombing a test because I'm too dumb to realize that I have the testing materials and I'm not using them. But no, this time I get to limp across the finish line, with a barely passing grade. I almost would have rather failed the test and re-taken it and gotten an appropriate score, rather than slide through with the absolute minimum score.

I know my agonizing is ridiculous. I know passing is passing, and no one really cares how well (or poorly) I did on my pre-solo written exam. But I am seriously embarrassed.

I still have a theater class and a philosophy class to get through, on this rainy, embarrassing, shit day.