And I’ll stay up all night thinking about it.
Do you ever wonder if you’re the only person in the world like you? Do you ever wonder at how much easier your life would be if you’d just give in and quit fighting the world and it’s expectations and it’s vices and it’s desires?
I won’t. I won’t ever give in. I won’t ever change. I’ll never look for the easy way out. I’ll never look for a way to end the pain. I don’t want a way out. I don’t want an end. I’ll stubbornly suffer through every excruciating minute of this worthless life. I’ll stab my own heart out again and again until there’s nothing left but a hollow rock that’s just going through the motions of keeping me alive. In a pointless uphill struggle, on ice-slicked stone, in hurricane winds, I will never stop climbing. I’ll keep fighting it as my feet give way, my kneecaps shatter, my fingers break and splinter, my arms are torn from my body, and there’s nothing left to keep me from sliding off. Death may be my only escape. All for nothing. For no god, for no religion, for no ethical code, for no philosophy, for no reward, for no penance, for no reason.
For nothing.