In the Army I am constantly hammered with god this, jesus that. God's everywhere. Every prayer is Christian. Every religious service is Catholic or Protestant. Even functions that have no need for religion get some god injected into them. The worst offender was early in my enlistment when a couple's first deployment meeting was offered. It might as well have been called "The God and Sex Power Hour". It was an hour long sermon. No one told me this was a Christian service. Katie was seriously offended by how this supposed couples meeting was just another way to push god on us.

The Family Readiness Group started putting out a monthly newsletter. This too takes no consideration into the fact that not everyone in this unit is Christian. Come on now, is it really necessary to push god in a monthly newsletter aimed at my wife and other spouses while we're away? Don't they think that the Christians in the group are already going to church on Sunday and the non-Christians are doing their thing without the need to remind us that Christianity is the only Department of Defense approved religion? The worst part is that I know it was brought up in an FRG meeting that not everyone is Christian and it's not necessary to put prayers and inspirational messages in the squadron's FRG newsletter but the end result was it was God's way or the highway.

I can't even watch a little Armed Forces Network (Department of Defense satellite tv) without hearing about god. Every message from the Chaplain's Corps is a bible verse or prayer. There's even little messages about "who's going to be there for you? God." Hey, you know who else is going to be there for you? Allah. Abraham. Moses. Buddha. Vishnu. The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Xenu. L. Ron Hubbard. Eris. Nobody. Nothing. Do we ever hear about anyone other than Christian God? No.

I find it absolutely ridiculous that the Army and Department of Defense operates "religion neutral" and refuses to recognize religions other than Christianity. Either come out with it and say that Christianity is the only authorized religion in the Department of Defense or quit playing lip service to neutrality. I've been handed plenty of Christian religious materials and it's just as easy to say "no thank you" as it is to not hand them out to begin with and not playing to one religions fiddle would better serve the purpose of seperation of church and state.

Buddhism is almost as fractured and diverse as Christianity. I don't believe in mysticism so that eliminated a lot of Buddhist schools. From what I could tell this left Zen. I've read a lot about Zen. Zen fits a lot. In fact I'm a pretty Zen person, I can take a lot of emotional and mental punishment before I start to crack. There's not a lot of people who can handle bad news or anger like I can.

My problem with Zen is practice. I can't sit my way to enlightenment. Sitting is supposed to be a period of inflection and inward looking and where you can relax and sort out the mind's problems. My problem is that I can't sit and do nothing. It feels like I'm wasting time, like I could be inflecting and sorting out my problems while I work. I don't feel like sitting and expanding my mind is getting me any closer to peace of mind.

That's all I want, really. I don't need the mysteries of the universe explained to me. I don't need some supreme deity pointing out what's right and wrong, I can figure that out myself. I don't need to be threatened with damnation to be a good person. I don't need karma balancing out the good and the bad, it'll never equal out.

I believe in actions. My own actions. The world is full of people trying to point the finger and blame someone else. I'm trying to reduce my own amount of blame. And I'll work my way to enlightenment. Or maybe I'll play video games to enlightenment. And I'll suffer my way to enlightenment. I firmly believe there's a price to be paid for every thing you do and I won't skimp on the bill by pointing the finger and I won't try to drown my problems in alcohol or drugs. I'll suffer through every agonizing second of this existence and if it gets me nowhere, oh well. I'll still be dead and nothing's changing that. Everyone dies.